The world is a play

The sticky nature of identities prevent us from truly living in this world.

Children do roleplay, and so do adults. The difference is most adults get stuck in roles, while children move from one role to another without any clinging.

All world is a stage and we merely players.

This adaptability, this refusal to be boxed into a role is the hallmark of a free individual.

This denial is not rejection. It is acknowledgement of the effervescence of life. It is a consequence of the realisation of what is not -- a fixed, permanent, inherently existing self.

A role or identity is temporary. It is a useful tool to navigate life. But it never lasts. Just like everything else in life, it must grow into other things. If we keep to it rigidly, we risk creating a solid self.

The heart of this issue is the relationship. When we identify with a role, an identity; we begin to develop an affinity towards it. We grow comfortable with it. We accept it, but in reality we are growing attached to it.

This is true with any relationship. They all exist only for a blip. But we hold on to them because of our homing tendencies: a solid self. Acceptance is not about growing attached to a self -- whether that be your own self, or another self like that of an identity.

Cultural iconography

Romantic love is depicted as something eternal in popular media.

Juliet says in Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet

My bounty is as boundless as the sea,

My love as deep; the more I give to thee,

The more I have, for both are infinite.

or the more contemporary Bollywood:

मैं आँखें बंद करता हूँ तो तुम्हे देखता हूँ. आँखें खोलता हूँ तो तुम्हे देखना चाहता हूँ. तुम पास नहीं होती हो तो तुम्हे चारों तरफ महसूस करता हूँ. हर पल, हर घड़ी, हर वक़्त. मेरे नैना, मेरी नैना को ढूँढ़ते हैं. इसे प्यार कहो, पागलपन या, मेरे दिल की धड़कन. मेरे लिए एक ही बात है. प्यार तो बहुत लोग करते हैं, लेकिन मेरे जैसा कोई नहीं कर सकता. क्योंकि किसी के पास तुम जो नहीं हो. मैं तुम्हे भूल नहीं सकता नैना, मैं तुम्हे भूलना ही नहीं चाहता. तुम मेरी हो, मैं तुम्हे ज़िन्दगी भर प्यार करूँगा, और मरते दम तक प्यार करूँगा, और उसके बाद भी.

When I close my eyes, I see you. When I open my eyes then I want to see you. If you’re not around then I feel you everywhere — every second, every minute, all the time. My eyes seek my Naina. You may call it love, or frenzy, or my heartbeat — they are all the same to me. People love, but my love is special, because they don’t have you. I cannot forget you, I don’t want to forget you. You are mine, I’ll love you forever and I’ll love you till I die, and even after that.

Kal Ho Naa Ho (2003)

This all-consuming, obsessive, passionate love is a signal of a hyper-ego, attaching to their own identity of a lover, but not necessarily to the other person in the relationship. It signifies an isolated person who wages minor wars for their own sense of ownership, protecting the feeling which they deem as special; rejecting the transient nature of the world and such relationships.

What is not shown in these movies is the afterword. When they do attain their goal, this love doesn’t automatically liberate them from their self-imposed chains. It doesn’t lead to any long-lasting peace. Instead, they continue to struggle against the demands of their ego, rejecting the world in their specialness, and eventually even turning against the very person they professed their love for, because they were only in love with an identity. They continue to suffer.

True love is compassion. The self does not enter it. This is why it is called selfless. It is not individualistic. It is for all of reality. It is what I call connection. If you helped someone for the good karma it would give you, or for feeling good, or for showing to the world you are a ‘kind’ person; your self is the driver and your identity your seat, and it only creates more isolation in you.

Memory

Memory plays a role in creation of the self. Memory pigeonholes us into a version, an identity we are not.

The truth is that we are changing continuously, and many of these changes we don’t even know. Memory is thus always inaccurate. When there is no self, there is a version memory presents to our deluded cognition and we start clinging to it. That is the root of ignorance.

Because of this ignorance that a self exists, clinging to it leads to clashes with reality, creating afflictions like anger, hatred, pride and greed. They lead to suffering.

Realisation that memory is inaccurate, it is only a tool which should be used with caution, and that there is actually no self, no boundary which is real and exists in its own, of neither ourselves nor any other entity, is the beginning of awareness.

With awareness comes connection to the world, acceptance of it, non-judgement, compassion and empathy.

Implications of a self

A person who strongly identifies with an identity thinks about self-worth, self-esteem. The self is a dependent attribute, created by ourselves.

It is a useful boundary, a means to think through. But it is still a conceptual abstraction, and does not exist on its own. This is the teaching of emptiness.

This is the core issue of most of our problems. For sticking to a self creates rejection in us. We start believing in identities; we have biases, habits, addictions -- all because of this belief in a solid sense of self. The more stoutly we believe in an independent self, the more these tendencies increase, leading to afflictions like greed, pride and hate. We are not able to accept reality as it exists. We judge, blame, isolate ourselves. We become indifferent, selfish and cynical. We live in an imagined, false reality. We keep on suffering.

An identity is imagination at work

Imagination is powerful. It lets us create an unreal entity. Identities are one of such entities. It lets us dream, it terrifies us, it can generate any emotion we want.

But what do we want?

Our desires, our wants come from our awareness. Awareness comes from looking at things with clarity, with precision. Clarity results into acceptance.

But if we live in rejection, we isolate ourselves, we attach to things, views and people; we end up in conflict with reality. Then our wants emanate from greed, fear etc. Imagination then deepens this conflict.

Solid sense of self [ignorance] -> sticky attachments [rejection] -> warped reality -> solid identities -> conflict -> greed, fear, envy, hate -> cravings, addictions -> imagination -> suffering

Compare this to the other route. In this case imagination lets us solve problems. It can be called ‘creativity’. It can help us reason.

Empty self [awareness] -> useful attachments [acceptance] -> clear reality -> alignment -> equanimity, empathy, gratitude, compassion -> desire to help and solve problems -> detached identities -> imagination -> peace

Thanks for reading Hand of Clay!